Many of us who finally make the jump and move forward to become foster parents are just like new parents who find out they are pregnant, buying every book and listening to every podcast, and going through every chapter of "What To Expect When You Are Expecting," only to find out the best laid plans and ideals for pregnancy, birth, and parenthood rarely work out the way you think.

Information is a helpful tool and necessary to becoming a skilled foster parent. It is good to understand the licensing process and be aware of each step. It is good to check all the boxes and be as prepared as possible. However, the primary indicator of what your experience will be as a foster parent will be the spiritual self-assessment that frames how you make decisions in all areas of your life prior to beginning your foster parenting journey. There are no perfect foster parents at any stage in the game. We are all on a learning journey. Your understanding of the source of wisdom, peace, love, joy in your life prior to any child entering your home is foundational. (Proverbs 2:1-11).

Foster parent praying for wisdom and discernment in their fostering journey

First, Have a Right Perspective of the Source of All Wisdom

There will be so many different decisions that will need to be made in the foster parenting journey, and most of them must be made quickly and without a complete factual picture.

Understand your true source of wisdom and practice going to God for direction prior to starting foster care. Proverbs 2:1-10 outlines it perfectly,

"Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. Search for them as you would for silver, seek them like hidden treasures. Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord, you will gain knowledge of God. For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest. He is a shield to those who walk with integrity. He guards the paths of the just and protects those who are faithful to him. Then you will understand what is right, just and fair and you will find the right way to go. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy."

There will be hard choices, self-doubt, and times when you wonder if you made the right decision. When things don't make sense and chaos seems to rule in your home, if you can go back to your decision-making and know that you sought the wisdom of the Lord in your decisions, then you can have joy despite circumstances or outcomes that don't seem to make sense. And you will experience many of those.

Second, Understand That It Is God Who Heals, Redeems, and Saves

This seems obvious, but in foster care it can come up in two extreme forms: (1) We say "yes" to everything, every placement, every age, every background, every call we receive without asking God because we want to rescue; or (2) We aren't willing to say "yes" because we don't trust that God has the power to overcome every situation and has a plan for each person.

For those who love to rescue, we can barrel forward with every "yes." I've found myself with 9 children in my home, several that would have done better in an individual setting, but I took them in to help them with the wrong-thinking that if I didn't, there would be no one else. Only to learn the hard lesson that I needed to pause and ask God if this was my "yes" to give. Sometimes my savior-mentality robbed children of something better, or it caused harm to others in my home, where I entered into a situation that God had not directed. God is not required to bless our agendas.

There is the opposite situation where we can decide ahead of time what God will do, who He will save, or what situation is capable of His intervention, and what our role will be in that. This perspective can rob us of the opportunity to say "yes" and see God's miraculous hand at work. When something seems impossible, but God is asking you to do it, then there is confidence in moving forward. This doesn't mean that every situation will work out perfectly, or that we will get to see a happy ending, or that there won't be holes in the wall or police called in the journey. But it means that you understand that controlling every detail in your life doesn't ensure you are walking in obedience and will see a perfect outcome. We can trust God and believe His power in healing and redemption of circumstances when He is asking us to move forward. (Ephesians 3:14-20; Ephesians 2:1-23)

Foster family finding strength through faith during challenging moments

Third, Hear His Voice and Walk with Him

Prior to walking into the fostering journey, it is vital to have a relationship with God. Everything about foster care is about being more than you are on your own - more compassionate, loving, patient, wise, grace-giving, humble, and strength-filled. As Ephesians 3 says,

"it is from His glorious unlimited resources that he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your heart as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong."

It is God that can do this for you. Not classes. Not training. Not grit.

Remove all pretenses that you can do this on your own, or you will be disappointed when you hit the wall and some day you are not enough. You are not enough to change the outcome of a case when it is outside your control and a child is moved to an unsafe situation. You are not enough when your patience is worn thin after too many days of defiant outbursts. You are not enough when you can't find the right therapy to help a child. You are not enough when you have been up all night for months with a child having night terrors or bed-wetting. But God IN YOU is enough. Don't set yourself up for failure and expectations that you cannot meet – or more importantly, that God is not asking you to meet. Trust God. Know His voice. The Lord,

"gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless…those who trust in the Lord will find new strength…they will run and not grow weary." (Isaiah 40:26-29).

God will walk with you every step of the way when things are hard - and know there will be a "when." There is joy in walking through the hard things when God is carrying the burden.

Isaiah 43:2-4,

"When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord Your God, the Holy One, your Savior…you are precious to me and dearly loved."