When Mother’s Day is More Complex than “Happy.”
Written by Sarah Oberndorfer
I still never quite know how to celebrate Mother’s Day. It’s a day that represents such strong and divergent feelings. I am so incredibly blessed and thankful to be a mother through birth, adoption, and foster care. At the same time, I am so saddened by the grief that this day also highlights.
For many mothers out there, this day causes them to remember that they gave birth to a child who is not theirs to raise, and they feel a great void. For so many children, this day causes them to be torn between the emotions of holding great love for an adoptive mom and the grief that a mom who gave birth to them is not with them.
How do we wipe away all of that complexity by adding “happy” to the beginning of the named day? Happy Mother’s Day.
I guess the answer is that we don’t.
I celebrate the beautiful blessing of my daughter through adoption. I wouldn’t ever have chosen the pain and loss in her life, in her family’s life, that brought her into my life. But I can live in the moments of joy that came out of that pain and walk with her as she learns to do the same. Honoring her mother for choosing the incredible gift of life when others wouldn’t have. Feeling the sadness and loss with her whenever those moments of grief come. Acknowledging with her that the heart can deeply love two moms at the same time. Sitting in times of confusion and “whys” without expecting a resolution. Celebrating the moments of belonging and security. Affirming her identity and reinforcing that she is God’s child, a perfect creation. Protecting carefree experiences of childhood whenever possible.
The peace that comes from acknowledging the complexities is what can bring the moments of “happy”—the happy in Happy Mother’s Day.
To all of the mothers out there by birth, foster care, or adoption—you are celebrated today because you are giving a child just what they need. Love.
You aren’t concerned with the difficulty, the title, or the neat and tidy outcome of a story. Instead, you give yourself wholly, completely, and unselfishly to love so that someday a child can fully experience a complete picture of a mother’s love.