What Do I See? Trusting God’s Perspective in Foster Care
Mark 8:31-37
When Foster Parents Feel Responsible for Everything
I am naturally a do-er, a type A, a workaholic, an advocate, a perfectionist, a pioneer, a constant-motion kind of girl. As a foster parent, that kind of attitude is often required in order to keep going and fight for the best interest of the children in your care. It’s even praised. That approach to life might be viewed as a good thing by many in our culture, but most often I turn that into a constant report card and feel like a failure. I can never do enough. I can’t help enough children. I’m often disappointed. I can’t fix everything… and I can never rest. I easily find myself approaching my relationship with God through this same lens. I try to “straight-A” and overachieve my way into my understanding of Him too. That relentless pressure is one reason it is so important to recognize and address foster parent burnout.
Peter Saw the Situation From a Human Point of View
In Mark 8:31-37, Jesus is trying to explain to the disciples who have been following him for three years that there is not going to be a good end to this mission they are on. There will be suffering and pain and death of their Savior, their hope for change, for a new king. He tried to explain that he would die, but three days later would rise again. Peter actually took Jesus aside and “began to reprimand him for saying such things” (Mark 8:32).
Can you believe Peter?! He was telling Jesus that the way he had written the story of salvation was wrong. That Jesus needed to keep the end of the story a secret until a re-write could happen. Peter had seen Jesus raise people from the dead, feed five thousand, walk on water – but Peter felt the need to go ahead and fix this part of the story. It seems silly when I read about Peter correcting Jesus, who is the only one who knows the future and God’s full plans!
But I do it every day!
Trusting God With a Child’s Story
I see incredible, unexplainable miracles and then over and over I go to Jesus and I worry, cry, anguish over circumstances. I tell Jesus how He needs to answer my prayer. I give him the perfect ending and then I also try to do it for him. I decide the only acceptable outcome for a child in my care. Then I work, manipulate, adjust, create, advocate, and redirect my way into disappointment. Somehow I’m surprised with the anxiety and distress I then feel as I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. There are practical steps we can take when we feel frustrated with a foster care case, but we also have to surrender the outcome to God.
“Jesus turned around and looked at his disciples, then reprimanded Peter. ‘Get away from me Satan!’ he said. You are seeing things from merely a human point of view, not from God’s” (verse 8:33)
Jesus had to immediately call out Peter about his perspective. It seems harsh, but it is also so helpful to see what Jesus had to say to his dear friend. He redirected Peter to a new perspective. It was important because he trusted Peter with the future mission of the entire church and gospel message. There was work to do, and he needed Peter to see God’s point of view. The end of the story was good, and right, and best and exceeded anything he could ever imagine. It was salvation. It was hope.
Our point of view is everything. Our perspective shapes how we see God, how we see what He can do, how we see what He should do. It affects our joy, our peace, our faith. If we make human understanding the lens to decide what is acceptable, then we miss everything. We have to trust that God has a viewpoint that we cannot see. God cares about every child in our care. I don’t have to give Him my point of view, I can simply rest in His. Learning to see circumstances differently is also central to finding joy in the Lord during foster parenting.
Giving Up Our Own Way Does Not Mean Giving Up
Jesus went on to address the crowd and the disciples…”If any of you want to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my message in these adulterous and sinful days, the Son of Man will be ashamed of that person when he returns in the glory of his Father with the holy angels” (Mark 8:31-37)
When I try to white-knuckle grip my hold on life, I lose it. I can’t have my own way, and God’s. I can’t study or perform my way into salvation. (Ephesians 2:8-9). “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and not of yourselves; it is the gift of God and not of works, lest anyone should boast.”
Jesus was teaching Peter and His disciples (the A-Team) and “the crowd” (us), that hanging on to our life and the performances day to day – even if it is for Him – causes us to lose our soul. The work that we do has to be His. The way that we do it and the plan and path - they are all His. I don't get to, or need to, reframe it into a better one. Just like Peter, I don’t need to rewrite the story or the ending. I can trust the God of the universe with that.
Finding Freedom in God’s Perspective
My human point of view is not God’s point of view. How I choose to see how God is showing up in life can either be my downfall or a gift. “Is anything worth more than your soul?” (verse 8:37). No. How freeing it is to get to move on with that frame of mind.
Foster and kinship caregivers do not have to carry this calling alone. Explore Joy Meadows’ support resources for foster families for therapy, Care Communities, family gatherings, camps, and other practical support.
