How Can I Be “Happy”?
There are many days when I find myself sitting smack dab in the middle of a pity party. This often happens in the school pickup line. I look at other minivans with one or two children calmly sitting in the car seats, the mom well groomed, looking like she had a shower that day and probably even gets to work out on a regular basis. Then I see my 12 passenger van, or dilapidated minivan filled to the brim with crusty carseats and cracker crumbs, with my sleep-deprived eyes peering back at me in the rearview mirror. Replaying the every-growing “to do” list of caring for 7, 8, or 9 children and many with severe trauma.
I hear people talk about how “busy” they are as they juggle things like sports, work and church.
I think “if they only knew…” If they only knew what it was like to have multiple children in the home who have endured trauma. If they only knew that some of us have to keep a parent within arms’ reach at all times to ensure children don’t hurt themselves or others. What it’s like to hear a young child describe horrific things like sexual abuse, being stranded on a highway, memories of starvation, or normalizing of abuse. If they knew what it’s like to be screamed at, urinated on, hit, spat on, hated and then loved within a thirty minute window – all by a child who should only understand the struggles of “Bluey” or “Super Kitties” – not the most vile and evil things of this world. If they knew what it was like to just want to take a walk, or a cup of coffee without having to arrange 3 babysitters and move heaven and earth for that moment. If they knew what it was like to care for those with chronic illnesses and mental health challenges.
I get angry as I hear what other people describe as “busy” all while I’m juggling multiple therapy appointments, medical appointments, IEP and 504 meetings, calls from principals, visits from case managers, meetings with a Guardian ad Litem, case plan meetings, court hearings – while also juggling a full-time job, kids sports, typical family activities, twelve birthdays and events.
I can get really stuck desperately wishing for a life that is “happy.” But in these super fun pity parties I throw for myself that could go on and on, I have to intentionally stop and remind myself of what God says about being happy. It is a lie to think that “happy” is about a schedule, or a clean car, or well behaved kids, or my circumstances.
5 Biblical Truths About Happiness from Psalm 89
Psalm 89:15-18:
“Happy are those who hear the joyful call to worship, for they will walk in the light of your presence, Lord. They rejoice all day long in your wonderful reputation. They exult in your righteousness. You are their glorious strength. It pleases you to make us strong.”
It is following a call to worship (vs 89:15). It is doing what God has asked me to do - and right now in my life that means caring for the children in my home. Anything less would feel empty. It is responding to God’s call to be with Him.
It is walking in the light of the Lord’s presence (vs. 89:15). In the Lord’s presence there is light, and the heaviness of dark, evil things cannot remain. I have to choose to put myself there each moment of every day. I actively seek the Lord and His presence. I walk in His light.
It is rejoicing in the Lord’s reputation (vs. 89:16). If I make my happiness about what I have done, what I get to experience, or my pride - then I will never be happy. When I am consumed with my own reputation, then I will never be satisfied. When I compare my experience with those of others, it will always fall short. If my happiness is fulfilling my own “to do” list it will never be enough.I have to find my identity in God - in his “wonderful reputation”. His track record never fails. Keep looking at THAT and not mine.
It is “exulting in His righteousness” (vs. 89:16). Letting go of perfectionism, false expectations of myself or what a “good life” is, letting go of circumstances dictating when I am satisfied – and just sitting in God’s grace is enough. It is acknowledging sin, the need for a Savior and living in the joy that Jesus is the only perfect one. I get to let that fake identity go.
It is relying on his “glorious strength.” (vs. 89:17). I do not have the strength to be happy, or keep up all the pretenses of the things the world says will make me happy. I do not have the strength to get through each day and keep all of the plates in the air to be the perfect mom, wife, foster parent, or employee. But when I can let go and just sit in God’s strength then I have peace, joy and happiness.
Basically – being happy is letting go of myself and letting God be Himself. And He never fails.
Foster parenting can be beautiful, meaningful, and deeply overwhelming. In hard seasons, many foster parents find themselves asking, “How can I be happy when life feels so heavy?” Psalm 89 offers a biblical picture of happiness that is not rooted in easy circumstances, but in God’s presence, strength, and faithfulness.
